i looked out the window in an aesthetic sense,
for the first time in 3 days of staring periodically
into the monitor of my laptop avoiding the outside,
and i realized everything that fades or blends
into each other has a little bit of gray in between;
the whiteness of clouds into the blue of sky,
the green of leaves into the brown of trees,
and even the ethereal boundary that defines
the ground's contour from the ephemeral colors
of the atmosphere after a long, inquisitive sight
contains a dark silhouette of gray..

simply beautiful.

at that point, i thought to myself, "where the hell
are we?" no, can't be "hell," where in "heaven?"

then i put what i supposedly perceived my life as
into an introspected perspective.. down to the
conditioned phrase i used to react to such insight,
i questioned my ever present location in heaven
from the solely focused hell i inherently reside in
my mind; the inner demons i'm plagued with in the
constituent experience of my soul blinds me from
the intrinsic prospect of my spirit in the essence
of reality, like the extraneous light in a camera
that spoils a photograph; the extrinsic analysis
of my life contaminated my vision, or sense, of
place in the world.

the pathogenic agents of adventitious thought
can infect the congenital sense of existence in
the soul through accentuating the adventitia of
pathogenesis in the mind, but it never penetrates
to the spirit where heaven and earth are
silhouetted, in gray, against the spectrum of colors
that fill all reality.. but when you get down to it,
it never really matters if there is a black or white,
red or blue, brown or green, whether they
compliment each other or complicate each other,
they are all bound together by a transitive sense
of gray.

and this was leading somewhere, but i forgot, or
i'm tired, or both since faitgue affects memory,
either way, i'll continue another day.. but to put
it simply, and accelerate my point before explaining
it, there are presently three general kinds of reality:
physical, spiritual and mental. and today i just saw,
for the first time in a while, all three at once, in one, at a
single, short-lived glance. this also leads to another point,
but i just realized i'm staring periodically into my laptop
again and the bottom half of my body feels numb.

...